All I ever wanted to make was something as beautiful as you
But in place of brown, with eyes so blue
From her body so sick, you grew healthy and new
From my body so healthy, sick babies grew
I love you so much and the joy that you bring
I am so happy for them and the song their hearts sing
I know the Lord works in mysterious ways
We are proof of that fact when I watch my children play
But it still makes me cry and sometimes get confused
All I ever wanted to make was something as beautiful as you
Friday, April 20, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The Miracle on Dixie Avenue
We had our second baby girl cremated so that I could keep her near me. I can't even relive Kaelynn's funeral because it nearly killed me the first time and we had nothing but problems with her gravemarker and the cemetary. If she was not out there next to my husband's sister, I probably would have cremated her as well. Neither process was pleasant. Even the funeral homes don't know how to react or what to say. They see grieving people every day, but walk in pregnant and ask to make arrangements for what is moving around in your belly and they get some pretty empty looks on their faces.
You can certainly know that by this point in the game, my husband had thrown in the towel. There was no discussion of trying again or any game plan for that matter. He was done! I just couldn't believe this was it. I knew in my heart we were supposed to have children and all of the events that had taken place couldn't have been for no good reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
I started talking to my husband about adoption. I might as well have been talking to myself most of the time because he wasn't hearing it. There were so many questions, how much did it cost? Where did we start? How long would we wait? Could we love a child that wasn't "ours"? Could we even be approved to adopt?
Donnie's cousin had a friend that worked for a doctor that had been placing babies for years, but he had a list a mile long and the holidays were coming fast. I called to schedule an appointment, but the office was to be closed over the holidays, so we deciced after the first of the year would be the best time to meet. His staff passed along our story and we were destined to struggle through the season with empty arms and no real plan of action. I didn't even want to celebrate Christmas. What did I have to celebrate? One baby in the ground and a box of ashes on the mantle? I certainly put the Bah in Humbug. I did however make a list for my husband as I always did and about halfway down was Baby. God had forsaken us, but maybe Santa would come through, right?!
I somehow found some peace with the season and celebrated with family. It was actually pretty late when we arrived home on Christmas Day and I was getting into bed when Donnie's cousin called around 10:00 pm that evening. She was pretty much in tears and told me that I had to call her friend at the doctor's office. They had been trying to get hold of her and had some new for us. That news was of a 26 year old girl that walked through the door of the hospital on Christmas morning with no prior prenatal care, cocaine in her system and identical twin girls in her womb. The doctor that we hadn't even met yet just happened to be on call that day and delivered those beautiful babies by c-section himself. He spoke to this lost girl of which was the mother of 8 other children, none in her custody and told her the story of a family that had lost two baby girls to a rare genetic disorder and wanted desperately to have children. She agreed that she couldn't care for them was convinced it was the right thing to do. I pray for her quite often and thank everyone involved, because those girls saved our marriage, our faith and probably my life. We love our dark-haired, black-eyed, olive skinned girls with all of our heart and have no doubt that they were made just for us. I had never received before that moment or any moment since a better Christmas present than them.
You can certainly know that by this point in the game, my husband had thrown in the towel. There was no discussion of trying again or any game plan for that matter. He was done! I just couldn't believe this was it. I knew in my heart we were supposed to have children and all of the events that had taken place couldn't have been for no good reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
I started talking to my husband about adoption. I might as well have been talking to myself most of the time because he wasn't hearing it. There were so many questions, how much did it cost? Where did we start? How long would we wait? Could we love a child that wasn't "ours"? Could we even be approved to adopt?
Donnie's cousin had a friend that worked for a doctor that had been placing babies for years, but he had a list a mile long and the holidays were coming fast. I called to schedule an appointment, but the office was to be closed over the holidays, so we deciced after the first of the year would be the best time to meet. His staff passed along our story and we were destined to struggle through the season with empty arms and no real plan of action. I didn't even want to celebrate Christmas. What did I have to celebrate? One baby in the ground and a box of ashes on the mantle? I certainly put the Bah in Humbug. I did however make a list for my husband as I always did and about halfway down was Baby. God had forsaken us, but maybe Santa would come through, right?!
I somehow found some peace with the season and celebrated with family. It was actually pretty late when we arrived home on Christmas Day and I was getting into bed when Donnie's cousin called around 10:00 pm that evening. She was pretty much in tears and told me that I had to call her friend at the doctor's office. They had been trying to get hold of her and had some new for us. That news was of a 26 year old girl that walked through the door of the hospital on Christmas morning with no prior prenatal care, cocaine in her system and identical twin girls in her womb. The doctor that we hadn't even met yet just happened to be on call that day and delivered those beautiful babies by c-section himself. He spoke to this lost girl of which was the mother of 8 other children, none in her custody and told her the story of a family that had lost two baby girls to a rare genetic disorder and wanted desperately to have children. She agreed that she couldn't care for them was convinced it was the right thing to do. I pray for her quite often and thank everyone involved, because those girls saved our marriage, our faith and probably my life. We love our dark-haired, black-eyed, olive skinned girls with all of our heart and have no doubt that they were made just for us. I had never received before that moment or any moment since a better Christmas present than them.
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