It's Been A Day

March is never a good month, Kaelynn was born and died in that month. It has been 10 years and my body still remembers every emotion and feeling. I am happy with my life and I love my kids and I have a wonderful husband who loves my kids, but damn it still hurts! I still find myself making sure that I am not too happy, because that means something bad might happen. I think that my husband and I both hold back just a little on loving each other and the kids because if we love them too much, they may be taken away. I get so upset with them sometimes if they roughhouse too much because the mere thought of them being injured is almost more than I can handle. Then I think, God wouldn't take them from me. I had to work too hard to get them. Of course I didn't think he would allow me to have three of my own pass away either. What do I know? I am obviously not making the rules around here.