Stupid things NOT to say to a grieving person

Keep in mind that most of these statements are more than likely true in the long run and not meant to be hurtful, but as discussed previously, the grieving brain does not function the same as it did before the grief set in.  When you are newly grieving, nothing anyone says is going to make you feel any better, but that doesn't mean that you can't listen to and then ignore everyone's "helpful" statements.  So, let's jump right in...

 1.  Everything is going to be ok - This may eventually become true, but right now in this moment, "ok" is so far removed that it's mailing address is in Timbuktu.  You feel like you could live a thousand years and it never be "ok".  What does that even mean?  You would even take slightly less than "ok" right now if it would make any of the pain go away. 

2.  They are in a better place - So...yes, they are definitely in a better place than this trash can that we live in, but there could be no better place than right there beside you or cradled in your arms.  We are selfish and we want that person we lost in the same place where we are, not in Heaven. 

3.  You need to (fill in the blank) - The only thing you NEED to do is breath in and out.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve and you NEED to do whatever it is that makes your process easier. 

4.  I  understand how you feel - Yeah, I don't think that ya do!  I don't even understand how I feel, how could anyone else possibly understand this muddle of emotions that are going on inside of me?

5.  This is part of God's plan - Well you know what?...God's plan SUCKS sometimes and I don't have to like it and I sure don't understand it.  There were probably a dozen other ways that the plan could have played out that would have to be better than this.

Don't get me wrong, God has given back the blessings that were taken away and I know that the "plan" is not mine and not necessarily the one I would have chosen but the plan none the less.  My faith has brought me to this place and my hope takes me beyond that a little more each day.  Talking about the anger and the hurt does help and having someone to just listen is a huge blessing.  I am thankful for all of the people in my life who have done that for me.  I pray you find someone too.